Why does the school yard bully do what they do?



The school yard bully is a mean, self – centred, insecure control freak who enjoys the thrill gained from bullying, intimidating, and having power over other children. They don’t just target the different child, the nerdy child, or the less confident child. Another common target is the child the bully is jealous of.

Less capable people bully, it is just how it goes…..

Simply put, the school yard bully is insecure, and has low self-esteem.

Who becomes targeted?

Anyone can fit the description of a perfect target. However, target’s are usually selected due to a particular vulnerability. The bully is on the hunt for vulnerable children lacking in sound emotional skills, confidence and assertiveness – children who are very quiet, and children or teenagers who identify as gay or lesbian.

Popular children aren’t safe from bullying either. If the bully becomes jealous of this child, watch out!

Factors which eliminate someone from the bullies list: 

  • Large groups of friends often deter bullies.
  • The more confident and assertive a child is, the less likely they will be bullied.

Why do they do it?

plain and simple! Bullies don’t like themselves. Why else would they do it? Happy people don’t go around bullying other people, or trying to control them. They don’t need to. They have a deep sense of security, and a place in the world. Children who feel loved have more friends than enemies.

The bully is one angry, unhappy person, who wants to drop their inner shame all over some one else. These children are seething. They can’t contain the pain anymore, so they go and dump it all over some other kid. What goes in must come out!

‘How dare you be a happy!  I’ll show you..’ 

The power of the bully

For the bully, bullying  is a sick, twisted, sadistic game of power and control. A game where they choose the rules, and the target endures.

‘I don’t like you, and you can’t do anything about it! Ha ha ha!’

What an unequal distribution of power this is, and sadism at it’s best. They’ve distributed all the power, and the target has none.

A bully is a puppeteer pulling all the strings, often turning other children against the target, making up lies to discredit them, and doing everything they can to make the target feel as incompetent and inferior as they feel.

Bullies withhold from their target what every child wants; love, attention, and the bullies approval. For the victim, its like being in a torture chamber!

Targets will do almost anything to make them stop! They may try to appease the bully, seek their approval, do lovely things for the bully. Yet, nothing works! Alternatively, the bully gleefully refuses to back down, and will most likely bully the target for years to come.

School playgrounds are like miniature war zones where nasty words are like tiny grenades being hurled left right and centre, in hope of piercing the soul.

Childhood bullies may never know how unlovable, and how defected they have made their target feel. Ultimately these children will most likely never know the nightmares had, the tears shed, and the anxiety experienced in fear of this perpetrator.

‘One thing I know to be true is that this is not about you! Its all about the bully!’ 

Bullies want their targets to think the issue had with them is in fact about them! Ultimately, the bully wants their target to feel inadequate, insignificant, unimportant and defected, because this is how they feel.

This is the only way a bully knows how to release their pain and suffering.

One thing every bully should know, is that they do not know who they are bullying! Full stop…..

Nice clothes, good grades, and a smiley face does not mean someone has a good life, and is free from emotional pain. Some nasty little person could be bullying the most mentally and physically abused person in the classroom, and may never know it.

For all they know, the victim has already been rejected a zillion times over, and may never get up again once this bully is done with them.

Kids are mean, its plain and simple. They say nasty things, don’t think before they speak, and generally, they lack understanding.

A child who bullies is quite simply unaware of the impact their behaviour is having on their target.

What the bullied must understand is that the bully is in pain. Somebody is bullying them (and its most likely a parent).  Evidence suggests that bullies are really quite broken, and may end up abusing drugs and alcohol.

Most likely, the school yard bully is dying inside, comes from the school of hard knocks, and can’t fathom that anyone would be stupid enough to take them seriously.  For them, the concept that their existence matters enough for their words, thoughts and opinions to actually affect another person, is hard to comprehend.

Not all children who bully others continue the behaviour into adulthood. A lot of adults deeply regret having ever bullied any of their peers that they once went to school with.

Yet, never the less, the cycle of passing the buck, or passing the pain, hurt, and suffering onwards, continues. What goes in must come out!







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