Ten common misconceptions about single mothers

Believe it or not, single mothers are quite often misunderstood, and judged for being the sole parents they have had no choice but to become. I would have thought we would be applauded instead.

I have had many a judgemental comment made about my apparent ‘choice‘ to go it alone. I have seen faces drop when people find out I am a single parent (especially from the older generation), comments whispered, and assumptions laid out before me. There is nothing nice about it. However, I know me, I know the debacle I was in – and I personally applaud the women all over the world who have the guts to say no to abuse, and to go it alone.

Common misconception number 1#

  • Kids need their dad’s.

What a thing to say to the single mother who just left the abusive husband/ father from hell.

Common misconception number 2#

  •  Single mothers have lots of sex with lots of different men.

Culturally, morally, religiously, and ethically we’re all different – just like married people.

Common misconception number 3#

  • We party when our children’s father has them for the weekend.

I am sure that some single mothers do like to let their hair down every now and again. Why shouldn’t they?

We have these children day in day out, night after night. We are the nurse, tutor, cook, councillor, driver, nurturer, and mother.

Once again, we’re all different. Some of us wine and dine, tour the art Galleries, theatres or the local cinema.

I personally couldn’t think of anything worse than going out to the pub to get hammered whenever the opportunity surfaces.

Common misconception number 4#

  • We left our husbands for no good reason.

Single motherhood is not a choice. I don’t know one single mother who took on board the sole parenting of her children for no reason. Seriously? Who wants to spend countless days, months and years alone, twiddling their thumbs, listening to the heightened pervasive sound of deafening inner thoughts, while their children are asleep?

A partner brings to a relationship a sense of comfort, someone to run your thoughts by, and support. I don’t know a single mother alive who would trade in a fantastic relationship to spend night after night alone, looking for things to do.

The choice, as you may call it, to become a single mother is one selfless decision, based on keeping our children safe from any further damage.

Common misconception number 5#

  • Boys need their fathers.

I have heard this statement many a time.

Do people honestly think that a single mother wants her son to grow up without his dad?

This is one narrow-minded comment.

Hello people. We are not in the 1950’s where women are obliged to stay with abusive men for the sake of our boys.

Why would we want our little boys around men who don’t respect them or us?

Common misconception number 6 #

  • Women can’t bring up boys on their own.

There are enough men in authoritarian positions who can teach our boys how to be men. Coaches, teachers, cousins, uncles, and grandfathers can all aid in making good men out of our boys.

Common misconception number 7#

  • Single mothers go from one relationship to the next.

Well, the next bloke better be fantastic.  That is all I have to say! Once bitten, twice shy.

Common misconception number 8#

  • We’re not fussy with who we have sex with.

Oh dear! It amazes me how judged and misunderstood we are. We are who we are – stemming from our values and belief systems on sex, and sexual relationships.

Common misconception number 9#

  • We keep having children in single parent circumstances just for the pension.

Really? Ummmm no. Most of us have to work to fund our expensive children, thank you very much.

Common misconception number 10#

  •  We spend the child support on ourselves.

This is a belief common to many father’s paying  child support.

Child support doesn’t even begin to cover the expenses. Calculate thoroughly before making this assumption please.

 

 

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