The most common question asked by scapegoated adult children, alienated parents, and ex- partners who are suffering from narcissistic abuse syndrome is;
‘do the flying monkeys’ ever see the narcissist or psychopath for who they really are?’
I too have watched from the sidelines as my narcissist’s flying monkeys’ have flocked around the narcissist, and supported a sick, deranged being – whom we all know is a liar, triangulator, thief, predator, and a fake, at the expense of the true victim or victims’. The narcissistic situation is one of the few situations in life where the true victim is left alone to recover from what could often be described as a complete nervous breakdown, while the narcissist feigns victimhood, and presents as the person being targeted.
I too have wanted retribution and validation. I have also wanted those same flying monkeys’ that have worked for the narcissist to apologise, to come to their senses, to realise that they have been conned, and to understand that they do not know the ins and outs of what has actually gone down.
”Guess what? It ain’t going to happen. Or at least, not for a very long time.”
Why? Well there are two reasons.
Number one: The narcissist is a con artist, a master manipulator, deflector, love bomber and emulator.
Number two: The flying monkeys’ are often judgemental, easily manipulated, fall for tall stories, don’t have personal boundaries, and believe whatever they are told. A lot of flying monkeys’ are enabling types, abuse apologists, want something from the narcissist, believe that the target holding the narcissist accountable should just get on with it, forget that they were publicly humiliated, ganged up on and smeared – let it go, and forgive.
From my experience, flying monkeys’ exist because a target has challenged the narcissist in some way, and the narcissist feels criticised. Criticism is a fate worse then death for a narcissist, and is the very reason why narcissists’ have flying monkeys. 95% of flying monkeys’ have two things in common – they all believe in the false persona, and they can’t mind their own business.
Truth tellers, whistleblowers, scapegoated children, and exes, are always portrayed as the crazy one to the narcissist’s flying monkeys’. As soon as the victims tries to hold the narcissist accountable for their actions, the narcissist will deny what they have done to the victim. This is called gas lighting. If the narcissist cannot have complete control over every aspect of your mind, they will lie about you, and will try to control other people’s perception of you. Narcissists’ describe victims of abuse as unhinged, and out of touch with reality so as they can avoid accountability. Once the narcissist realises you are on to them, and they can’t control your opinion, the smear campaign begins.
The narcissist does not want to be found out for being the fake that they truely are. This would mean they would have no choice but to face their false self, and fess up to their disgusting deeds.Where there is a lack of responsibility, there will always be scapegoats’ and flying monkeys’.
How do healthy people handle gossip?
Healthy human beings often listen to the gossip, but leave it at that. They will reserve judgement until they get to know the other person, or hear the full story from both parties. Healthy people don’t become involved in triangulation, unless it is to put a stop to a triangulation.
What do flying monkey’s do when the narcissist plays the victim and makes up lies about a target?
Flying monkeys align straight away, get annoyed with the target for seeking accountability, and soothe the narcissist instead of the true victim, the target.
Flying monkeys’ are brainwashed, insecure people who fall hook line and sinker for the bait. In their mind they are aligning with the narcissist against a perpetrator; a targeted victim. They believe the target is the troubled bully in the relationship with the narcissist.
Flying monkeys’ have a pack mentality, are very insecure, have big issues themselves, like the stability of having a pack to reside in, and will secure their position in the pack by vilifying, or scapegoating someone else to feel better.
How does the narcissist manipulate minions into aligning with them?
The narcissist will divide a group of people with the use of triangulation in order to conquer a target. This strategy is used to align family members’, siblings’, the narcissistic child’s parent, employees’ and friends’ with the narcissist.
It becomes a case of: ‘well so and so (the target) doesn’t like you either. They said this this and this.’
Sadly these minion’s fall victim to a pack of lies. Triangulation reinforces to the narcissist’s allies that the target truely is a bad seed, needs to be taken down, isolated, and gotten rid of.
Do not be fooled. Yes, the target is being isolated; but the narcissist is also dividing and triangulating the flying monkeys’ against one another as well.
Do the flying monkey’s see the narcissist for who they truely are?
No, 95% of them do not. The narcissist’s followers know the narcissist has some problems, they just don’t know the depth of these problems. There is no reason for the narcissist to show their minions the dark side. They are simply secondary fuel sources to the narcissist. They have no need to challenge the narcissist, and are the perfect mirror for the narcissist, because they only ever see the false persona. The target is the only person who truly knows who the narcissist is.
The mirror is the problem here. If the mirror (being you) doesn’t reflect back to the narcissist want they want to hear about themselves, than the narcissist will smash the mirror. This is when scapegoating will occur. Flying monkeys’ are the perfect enabler’s, won’t step on the cracks, and enable enable enable. Where as, scapegoated individuals’ call a spade a spade and say it how it is.
What makes a flying monkey a flying monkey?
Typically, flying monkeys’ have various belief systems which elevate them into flying monkey status. A lot of flying monkeys’ are weak covert narcissists’ themselves, and don’t have a problem watching other people be bullied.
They are often abuse apologists’, forgive and forget types, who have a firm belief that people grow out of their mistakes. Flying monkeys’ excuse the narcissist’s reckless past behaviour, and believe that it is truely possible for people who have done terrible things to change; because I guess, sometimes people do change. The 5% of flying monkey’s that see the narcissist for what they are, (a troublemaker) dumb down the problem with little regard to the people it affects, and call it an emotional disability. Unfortunately a narcissist will choose these types of enabling beings to be their flying monkeys.
The good people who refuse to become flying monkeys
Be assured that a lot of people do know that your narcissist is an actor. They do see straight through the facade and question the stories the narcissist is telling them. They question why the narcissist’s ex can’t allow him or her to see the children. They wonder why the narcissist continues to claim that their ex has a mental health problem, when she or he looked ok last week. Good people do not befriend people who tell half truths, use the divide and conquer method on them, and constantly report that everybody is bad. These people will not become directly enmeshed with the narcissist because they know something is up. The flying monkeys’ however, are easily manipulated, and don’t view a red flag as a red flag.
The 5% of flying monkeys’ who know about the abuse
Every now and again a narcissistic abuse victim is told by a flying monkey that they know the narcissist is downright dangerous. These flying monkeys’ fall short because they remain tied to a person that is emotionally destroying the target, their friend or family member. They are too gutless to stand up for the abused, they don’t want to lose their comfort pleasures, and they have no issue sacrificing the mental health of the abused. This flying monkey does not care if the abuse pushes the individual to have a psychotic breakdown. As long as they’re ok, that’s all that matters.
These knowing flying monkeys’ often come in the form of one of the narcissist’s friends, or a disloyal sibling to a scapegoat; the one who has a vested interest in affiliating with the narcissist for their inheritance. These flying monkey’s are in some ways more morally accountable and karmically liable than the severely brainwashed flying monkey’s who have no idea they’re being manipulated. They know the narcissist is dangerous, and they don’t care about the nervous breakdown, or the suicide attempts which often come hand in hand for the family scapegoat who has been scapegoated and shunned by an entire family. This sibling wants the proverbial golden egg; and if their sibling has to go down in the process, well so be it. This person is not your friend.
‘If I had an inheritance, than maybe my sibling who knew I was being scapegoated months before I was discarded, would’ve stood up for me, told me what was going on, and would never have let it happen in the first place.’
This family member, or friend is not going to pull a scapegoater up on their bullying behaviour. If a scapegoated adult child has nothing but friendship to provide a knowing sibling flying monkey, than it only makes sense that a sibling so morally bankrupt will not be crossing over into the camp of the righteous any time soon.
This flying monkey may not directly pick on a victim, but when push comes to shove they most certainly are not for the victim.
The scapegoated victim’s pain means nothing to these knowing flying monkeys’. They do not care; because if they did, they would be so enraged at the abuse of another, that they wouldn’t be able to contain themselves. The desire to protect the person they love would be so strong that they wouldn’t be able to hold their tongue; and they most certainly would not have it in them to enable the perpetrator, soul destroyer, and life ruiner that almost pushed their sibling or friend over the edge.
Scapegoating is serious business, and the isolation involved can push the bullied victim to suicide. Outcast, shunned family scapegoats have been known to die from drug addiction and depression before, because the shame of being hated for being who they are is too much to handle. To know a parent turned a whole family against their child is one of the most painful things a family scapegoat can go through. For a knowing flying monkey sibling to know what has happened, and than go after money at the scapegoat’s expense is a disgusting thing to do.
Knowing flying monkey’s condone abuse at the expense of another, because standing up for truth would mean they would be thrown out of the family, or the friendship group. Unless a flying monkey is in the accidental flying monkey category, or the well meaning, these minions are never good people. There is something very wrong with a self- focused enabler who places their needs over the mental health of others.
Scapegoated victims’ are often told by these types that they shouldn’t have such high expectations in expecting their loved one or friend to stand up for them. It is common for these types of flying monkey’s to manipulate the scapegoated individual into believing that they are the problem because they won’t forgive, forget, and accept that all families’ are screwed up. This person needs you to forgive and forget a fully fledged perpetrator, stop talking about it, pretend the narcissist is relatively safe, and to stop expecting support from them; because they want their money. So, in order to push on towards an inheritance, they need this sibling to shut it, to remain invalidated, and ex communicated.
By saying nothing, laughing at the scapegoated individuals expense, and continuing to allow the scapegoater’s to believe that their behaviour is acceptable, and that what they did to this was ok, is a cowardly immoral, disgusting act.
These minions’ know exactly who and what the narcissist is, but they do not care about the impact the narcissist has on another. People like this do not have empathy. Empathetic friends or family, support scapegoated individuals. They don’t allow them to languish in emotional hell.
The great Martin Luther King once said ‘In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. ‘
Do the flying monkeys’ know the narcissist to their full extent?
The answer is no, they do not. 95% of minions’ do not realise they are being recruited, and they do not know how dangerous the narcissist is. The narcissist doesn’t tell them the terrible things they do to their victim when they are away from the flying monkeys’. In situations of family abuse, workplace abuse, and abuse amongst friends, flying monkeys’ most often have no idea that the target is being set up, and that they, the flying monkeys are being used to triangulate against the target, and to act as a puppet on a string.
Flying monkeys’, or supposed friends’ of a narcissistic mother or father who complains that they can’t see their kids, and that their ex has a severe mental health problem, have absolutely no idea that their narcissistic co-worker or best friend is probably cyber stalking their ex, reporting them unnecessarily to human services, has stolen thousands of dollars from them, is lying about their character to anyone who will listen, and is setting them up for public shaming wherever possible. They have no idea that the narcissist has reversed the roles, and is actually impersonating their exe’s lovely personality to manipulate their flying monkeys’ in the first place. The horrible personality the narcissist re-invents as being their exes personality, is actually the narcissist’s personality.
The love-bombing, emulating of another’s personality, and random acts of kindness, make it almost impossible for an easily manipulated flying monkey to see through the narcissist.
HG Tudor, a well known narcissistic sociopath says himself that people are just plain stupid when it comes to believing the facade.
Will the flying monkeys’ ever see the narcissist for who they are?
The only way a flying monkey will ever who the narcissist is, is if they challenge the narcissist. If a flying monkey, particularly an accidental flying monkey stands up for a victim of abuse, disagrees with the narcissist, or doesn’t reflect back to the narcissist the mirror they want them to be, than yes, they will be thrown out of the fold, and scapegoated. Scapegoats’ can be replaced at any given moment, and flying monkeys’ can become scapegoats’.
Flying monkeys – which type?
Well meaning flying monkeys’
From my experience with well meaning flying monkeys’, they (and I have had a lot of experience with well meaning flying monkeys) have no idea the extent of the narcissist’s abusiveness, and they honestly think they are trying to help to fix a fixable situation. Flying monkey fathers’ and mothers’ can literally put scapegoated adult children in danger by trying to fix an unfixable relationship with the narcissistic parent.
Scapegoated adult children experience emotional horror when told by well-meaning flying monkeys’ who don’t know what they’re talking about that they were a cheeky a child, difficult to handle, and basically deserved the harsh punishments or abusive talk dished out to them.
These flying monkeys’ accept the narcissist’s perception of the child, or adult – child as being difficult, and will run with that, without question. They have no idea that their inappropriate intervention is mentally damaging and dangerous to say the least.
These same flying monkeys’ will take it upon themselves to question the scapegoat adult child on their reasoning behind no contact. They will often tell the scapegoated child that they need to forgive and forget vile abuse. These flying monkeys’ come in the form of minsters’, priests, church folk, elderly people who had good upbringings, or family friends who have no idea what narcissistic abuse is. These same people will listen to the scapegoat to no avail. The scapegoat’s voice goes unheard, and the flying monkey continues to believe they know better.
Common phrases of an abuse apologist flying monkey
‘We’ve all got faults.’
‘Forgive and forget.’
‘You were a cheeky child.’
‘You have to forgive at some point.’
‘It happened a long time ago.’
‘Its your mother.’ Or ‘But he’s your father.’
‘They’re the father of your children.’
‘You’re acting out on your ego.’
The abuse apologist has no concern for the psychological abuse committed against small children, or anybody else for that matter.
Why do the well meaning flying monkeys fall for such rot? Angelina’s story
A very close friend of mine Angelina was once a well meaning flying monkey. Angelina is now a scapegoat, and a repentant ex, well meaning flying monkey. Angelina, like so many other women who get involved with narcissistic men or women’ did not see through her narcissist’s false self.
Angelina had a child with this man, who also came into the relationship with a child from another relationship. Angelina was brainwashed into believing that her narcissist’s ex-partner had tried to ruin her narcissist’s life. Angelina’s narcissist told her that his ex had accused him of being a stalker, told child support all kinds of lies in effort to extract more money out of him, and even accused him of constantly deliberately under – estimating his income to child support. Of course he denied it, and said his ex was making his life a living hell. He displayed emotions of a victimised, hurt person. He claimed the reason he couldn’t see his child was because of his ex wife, and not his own actions. Angelina thought this woman was a monster.
Angelina stood up for her narcissist when he didn’t deserve to be stood up for. She even defended him black and blue when he had problems with colleagues, friends, family, and his own child.
Angelina left him ten years ago. He has been stalking her ever since. She is now in the exact same boat as his ex wife, and knows that his ex wife was telling the truth. The frightening reality is that this man comes across as so benign.
This man has well meaning flying monkey’s everywhere. Some people have likened him to mother Theresa. His story goes something like this. ‘I try to be nice to her in changeover. I just want to be a good dad. I love those kids so much, but she is just making my life a living hell.’
What he hasn’t told people is that he owes Angelina 7,000.00 in child support, says he wants to see the kids, when he actually wants to use the changeover excuse as a way of interacting with Angelina in the hope of extracting narcissitic supply from her. This man frequently publicly humiliates her while changing over, has stalked her, taunted her, has stolen money from her, has parentally alienated her and has convinced all of his flying monkeys that Angelina has a severe mental health problem.
The accidental flying monkey
The accidental flying monkey is a kind, caring person that often becomes entangled with narcissists’. They hold an overall belief that anyone can makes changes to their personality if they really want to.
The accidental flying monkey would never allow the narcissist to bully anyone else while in their company, and they refuse to talk nasty about people with the narcissist. Sometimes they will even gently pull the narcissist up without actually pulling them up. They are a secondary fuel source, and they are important to the narcissist. Again, they know the narcissist is entitled, troubled, and all the rest. This empath will pick the narcissist up if push comes to shove, and if the narcissist doesn’t like it, they will cease the friendship.
The judgemental, assuming flying monkey
Judgemental and assuming flying monkeys’ are often people who don’t even know the narcissist. These people are often friends’ or acquaintances’ of the victim. They get under the narcissistically abused victim’s skin because they judge the victim’s choices in regard to them or their children having no contact with the narcissist, whether that be the victim’s parent, or their child’s parent.
Again, these people can be fundamentally fanatical in their beliefs. These flying monkey types are random abuse apologists. Their fundamental belief is that relationships should be persisted with at all times.
For example: The friend of a scapegoated child may exclaim with complete disbelief that they cannot believe that their adult friend refuses to see their mother or father. In this situation this well meaning friend is not so well meaning. They are judging their close friend without facts. This judgemental friend has fundamental beliefs which are detrimental to the scapegoat adult child’s mental health.
These people believe that the target is flawed in some way, and that nobody can truely be as abusive as what the victim describes. These flying monkeys’ cannot look underneath the acts of abuse and deeply into the damage which has been done to the narcissists’ abuse victims’.
I have met flying monkey’s who honestly believe that everything should be just left to run its course, and a child’s journey with an abusive personality should be left uninterrupted. A lot of these people are narcissistic themselves, and often become overly invested in religious philosophy, law of attraction beliefs, and mindfulness techniques. They’ve missed the boat, and have misinterpreted some of the bibles most core beliefs about abusive people.
These types of people believe we should forgive and forget, and not to hold a grudge, regardless of heinous acts or crimes.
Hateful flying monkeys
Hateful flying monkeys’ come in all shapes and sizes. These flying monkeys’ will get involved in the shaming, smearing and bullying of a target. Again, scenarios differ; but the core reality here is that these people have become easily brainwashed to do the narcissist’s bidding. Yes, they do know that they are deliberately bullying the targeted individual; but they genuinely believe the target is at fault and deserves the abuse.
The hateful flying monkey that cyber stalks the victim, plays both sides of the fence, searches for private information to disclose about the victim, knows what they are doing. Do they know they have been manipulated, and brainwashed? No, they do not. The question is ‘do they care?.’ The answer is no, they don’t care.
Hateful flying monkeys are your snakes in the grass, and some of them are the equivalent to Hitler’s minions.
Children flying monkeys
Children do not know what they are doing, and they are under the vindictive spell of the narcissist. They are used as porns for the narcissistic parent to use in a game of chess, to checkmate the kinder parent. They are lied to about their parent, conned, and strategically manoeuvred. What happens to them is disgusting.
The sibling flying monkeys’ who know about the scapegoated child’s abuse
The sibling who never pulls the parent up on the terrible things being said about the scapegoated child is deliberately choosing to leave the scapegoat dangling over a metaphorical cliff. They are petrified of the narcissist, and they are their own number one.
Unfortunately these siblings’ are under the spell of mind control, and they all have one thing in common with their narcissistic abuser; they too are damaged and unwell. However, that being said, these flying monkeys’ are not good people. Good people do not sit in and listen to jokes about the scapegoat’s apparent emotional instability behind their backs.
Unfortunately adult scapegoat children of the narcissist often come to the conclusion that their siblings’ have no loyalty.
Do the psychopath’s flying monkeys’ know who the narcissist is?
It is very rare to find a flying monkey who knows the full extent of the narcissist. The healthy people who do, quickly realise the narcissist is a wolf, and relinquish all contact with the narcissist. Most flying monkey’s are so thoroughly manipulated by the narcissist that they honestly have no idea that they, the minions are acting like puppets on a string.
Always keep in mind that all fuel sources are assessed by the narcissist before the manipulations can begin. Flying monkeys’ are sourced for their naivety, insecurities, conforming behaviour, and predator pleasing traits. Narcissists’ deliberately choose people who will aid them in their unconscious onslaughts of targeted good people.
”One of the hardest realities to come to terms with for the adult…