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Category: Relationships

Daily affirmations to attract your soulmate to you

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Positive affirmations can pave the way for positive experiences, little miracles, coincidences, and unexpected opportunities. After my first introduction to ‘the secret’ five years ago, I am now a full-time believer in positive thinking.

I recently went in search of ‘soulmate stories,’ about women who have gone on extraordinary inward journeys to find their soul mate.  Eventually, they have successfully found the person they believe was always the one for them.  These women now describe what they have with this person as feeling in sync, being in love, and feeling completely adored.

For so many years now I have closed my mind off to the idea of love. I have replaced positive thoughts about finding a decent guy with negative thoughts, which describe all men as heart – breakers, rock spiders and wolves.

I think about being alone, being lonely, and maybe never finding my soulmate. So, of course I’m not meeting anyone. A gigantic wall barricades my heart from the opposite sex. Anxiety and fear keeps me entirely out of the attraction zone, and away from what I desire the most – a soulmate.

Deep down, I know that if I practise these positive affirmations everyday, and actually believe them – I will find my soulmate, the one I was always meant to meet.

Just being grateful can lift you into a higher frequency. Just being happy about the wonderful life that you have been given can make your day brighter and more positive. Gratitude creates miracles, and has the power to make you a happier, more grateful you.

Break the walls down with positive affirmations

Once you begin to positively affirm that you will attract your soulmate, and you reaffirm it on a day to day basis; you will notice your heart slowly begin to open up to the prospect of love.

By making this practice a part of your daily routine, you will literally begin to pull down the walls around your heart. People are generally more open to dating, going out to parties, and participating in date nights or social occasions, once they learn how to design these situations to feature in their mind as positive experiences.

Twenty positive love affirmations

  1. I am currently attracting my soulmate.
  2. I believe in my ability to attract my soulmate.
  3. I have attracted the most loving person I could possibly attract.
  4. My heart is open to love.
  5. I will now attract the perfect partner into my life.
  6. I attract love in all that I do.
  7. I trust my head to lead me straight towards my soulmate.
  8. I draw love and romance into my life.
  9. My soulmate brings peace to my mind.
  10. My life is filled with passion and romance.
  11. My soulmate is magnetised to me, and finds me irresistable.
  12. I develop loving relationships easily.
  13. I open my heart, and have trust that true love will arrive.
  14. I attract the love that I desire.
  15. Love is all around me, everyday, in every way.
  16. My partner is my perfect match for me. Our love for one another is pure and eternal.
  17. My spirit is ready to meet my soulmate, and to find my perfect partner.
  18. I have made room in my life for my soulmate.
  19. The partner I am seeking out is also seeking me out.
  20. It is my destiny to be with my soulmate.

 

 

Commitment Phobia

 

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We live in a world where relationships are failing everyday. The domestic violence rate is skyrocketing, and men and women have different values around marriage and relationships, more so now than ever before. Who wouldn’t have a phobia of commitment?

From my experience, couples just argue, banter, and carry on anyway. One partner always puts more work into the relationship than the other, and now days, its rare to hear stories of happily ever after.

The biggest question on a commitment phobe’s mind is:

‘Who is this person that I am about to commit to?’

We will never know who our partner really is until we enter the relationship in a full – time capacity. Even than, do you really know the person you’re involved with?

The marital relationship’s modelled to me as a child were completely dysfunctional. So now when I witness a dashing smile and good manners, I immediately wonder, ‘is there a monster under there?’

How can you believe in true love when you’ve never seen it? Most older couples I know of who do stay together, do it out of need, not love.

I have met the men who cheat on their wives. I have seen the monster lurking deep within this man that his wife will never see, and honestly believes doesn’t exist. This man is a professional when it comes to presenting the two sides of his extremely fragmented self.

I don’t wear rose coloured glasses anymore. Instead, my eyes are like two laser beams in search of a red flag, or something which signals un-safety.

Aha! You guessed it. I’ve seen a lot of dysfunction, and a hell of a lot of chaos. I am yet to see a couple that I know come out the other side of their relationship happy, and content.

For a commitment phobic individual, the beginning of a relationship creates so much anxiety that it will literally take over the entire person. It can take upto a year before this person will even begin to feel safe. That is, if they even make it that far.

Intimate relationships make commitment phobic people feel incomplete, whereas time alone is where we feel the safest. No, we’re not super sensitive people who can’t endure the length of a relationship. We simply choose not to go there because of the anxiety it creates.

The problem? Previous attachments have most likely been unsafe, unpredictable, and riddled with fear and anxiety.

Commitment phobe’s often hurt the closest people to them.  Some commitment phobic people never intend to marry the person they get engaged to. They may even use the opposite sex for sexual intimacy, with no intentions whatsoever of ever committing to this person.

However, other people with a commitment phobia do have the potential to have healthy partnerships. Less severe commitment phobic people will sit out the severe anxiety, and other uncomfortable symptoms related to the condition.

In simpler terms, commitment phobia is a fear of deep emotional connections. Previous unsafe emotional connections have left life long scarring, and may resemble trauma, dysfunction, and instability to the commitment phobic individual. However, there is a way forward if you’re prepared to do the work, and to get the help required to over come the condition.

Dating and relationships after leaving a psychopath

 

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Everything is always your fault! Confrontations with this man or woman always leave your head swirling around for days at a time. The reason behind your argument, along with the contents, are often forgotten after you’ re either threatened with fists, raged at, or  the argument is turned back around to you.

The light must always shine on you, and never ever on them.

You have married yourself a psychopath!

You walk on eggshells, your disputes are never resolved, and they quite often end in your psychopath  raging. Your anxiety is eating you alive. You are always being accused of being the crazy one; and this relationship just makes you feel so damn bad about yourself.

So, you dive headfirst into therapy to sort yourself out. You are sure things will improve between you both once you get help.

Psychopaths put a lot of effort into destroying their victims! The games begin shortly after the love – bombing and adoration phase has been and gone.

A psychopath will subtly begin what is understood as the devaluation phase. Before you know it, this nut case will have whittled away at your self-esteem, just like a termite slowly ploughs through an entire house.

Than they will move into your social network, and find fault with each and every friend or family member.

Victims of psychopathy usually end up completely isolated, with nobody to turn to other than the psychopath.

Once psychopaths are finished with their victim,  the victim’s self-esteem will have completely diminished. He or she will be completely destroyed from the years of mental abuse, mind games, and manipulation.

Psychopaths can only have dominant relationships. They must have complete control over their partner at all times – because in their mind the victim is not a separate being with individual thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. They are instead merely an extension of the psychopath.

A psychopath will pick his or her victim’s entire personality to pieces. The victim will most likely begin to feel as though they always make the wrong choice, always say the wrong thing, and stand up for themselves when they should just sit down and shut up.

If the victim has a problem with someone, the psychopath will always take the other person’s side. Psychopaths and narcissists must be in a position of superiority above their partner at all times.

The victim must never disagree with the psychopath’s  opinions or decisions. If the psychopath is questioned, or asked to make some simple changes to improve their behaviour, the victim will be accused of criticising, controlling, or oppressing the psychopath.

Somehow the psychopath always evades responsibility, manipulates their way out of dicey situations, and convinces everyone around them that their actions, no matter how violent, were justifiable. Before you know it, he or she will have you convinced that we all get pushed to our limits sometimes.

The victim must always remember that the rules are constantly changing. There are rules for the victim, and rules for the psychopath. The psychopath can change the rules at anytime, and the rules are never in the victim’s favour. Rule number one is that the victim must always appear crazy.

A psychopathic male or female will convince the children that everything is always the other parent’s fault. They will even have the immediate family convinced that the victim has behavioural issues, and problems with anger management.

The psychopath will set the victim  up to fail in front of people, and will push the victim’s buttons until they explode. Before the victim knows it, they will  feel like everyone is against them. They are! The psychopath got in first, played the victim, and told everyone that his or her partner is the nutty one.

Victims of psychopathy often think

”if I could just pull myself together and behave appropriately, our relationship would be fine.”

Gas lighting is the most common way to erode a person’s reality. This is where the psychopath will hide things, and tell the victim that they lost them. Or, they must have put them somewhere else. Or, instead of admitting that they are an hour late, the victim will be told that they got the time wrong, not the psychopath.

This is one dangerous human being! Psychopaths control all of the information in family units.  They are the puppet masters. They turn siblings against siblings, and children against the other parent. They are the creators of chaos where there once was none.

They are often your petty hustler, guru, fault finder, pathological liar, ex – husband or wife who sits quite comfortably on the spectrum of psychopathy. Most likely they exude extreme charm, kindness and charisma.

Survivors of psychopathy often feel anxious, disgusting and shaky. They can endure extreme panic attacks, paranoia and depression.

Keep in mind that once away from the psychopath, many victims of psychopathy do go on to live fulfilling lives. Victims do move onto happier, healthier, more stable partnerships.  Happiness does come again!

However, some victims have been so traumatised that they may never enter a relationship again. For these men or women, the mere thought of a relationship can cause heart palpitations. Thoughts of intimacy, giving their heart to another, and trusting another person with their mental health, are thoughts these people would rather not have.

However, once you’ve been with a psychopath, you do become an expert in your field. You will know red flags to look out for. If it seems too good to be true, than it is. If your body is telling you something is wrong, listen to your gut and walk away.

Is your new partner is grandiose, have few friends, a lack of empathy, possible drug history, and behave like a guru? Are  they self-indulgent, have  a history of failed relationships, put others down all the time, and assure you that all of their exes are crazy?

Keep your eyes wide open! Wider than ever before. I don’t believe that wolves have taken over the entire forest. However, I do know that psychopaths target people with particular traits. If you’ve attracted one before, you could easily be a target for a psychopath, narcissist, or sociopath again. If something feels wrong, run!

Can one manifest their soulmate?

 

Rhonda Byrne’s famous book, and film ‘The Secret,’ discusses in great depth the concept of manifestation, and how we can use our imagination to manifest our dream life.

All we have to do is follow these three steps:

  1. Ask      

  2. Believe      

  3. Receive

 

             Is it really as simple as that? Hmmmm……I’m not so sure!

Ask for what you want, live as though you have it now, and than receive it? I know, it sounds way too good to be true right? To be honest, manifesting anything requires a lot of patience, and a very strong mind. It is not by any means a simple task.

Living your life as though you have your dream partner right here, right now, isn’t as easy as it sounds. In my experience, to live like this without ever allowing the reality of your single lonely life to seep into your mind, is almost impossible. An experienced manifester may be able to stop an enquiring inner critic from treading on all of your dreams with the truth. However, an amateur at manifestation will most likely struggle a lot!

In the five years that I have been practising ‘the secret,’ I have had a significant amount of manifestation ups and downs. I have doubted myself, had negative thoughts, (which have most likely stopped my desires from coming my way) and, the manifestation projects I have consumed myself with, have mostly never arrived. Instead, objects, situations and people that I have visualised for no particular reason, have come quickly and easily.

                         ”Be careful what you visualise, and what you go          on to think about…….”

So, I’m on way to the post office, and I suddenly see someone I know. I associate this person with someone I don’t like. Immediately I provide an image of my rival to my imagination. While paying my bill, I quickly forget about the image of my arch rival, and I engage in small talk with the cashier.

While walking down the street on my way to work the next day, I suddenly run smack bang into my rival. The universe doesn’t just give you what you ask for. Its gives you what you think you are worth, and whatever you see in your imagination.  Plain and simple!

I have never been a cat lover, and I detest their predatory nature! However, images of these predatory furry little animals have sprung to mind as I have often watched a cat chase after a bird, or, as I have stepped over the latest victim on the driveway, an innocent dead mouse. Ironically enough, following a strange sequence of events, I now own a cat.

At the age of sixteen I would often see a man out shopping with his support worker. Everytime I saw him, I would walk away with his image in mind as I wondered what kind of life he leads. Twenty years later, I now work with him.

Every time I set an intention to receive something, I always receive it in a way contrary to how I originally thought it would come about.

Years ago I set my intention to become a non-smoker. Everyday for six months straight I visualised myself as a smoke free person. In my imagination I would walk past the cigarette counter without buying cigarettes, and I would picture myself detesting the smell of cigarette smoke. At the end of the six months I was diagnosed with Pnemonia, and I was too sick to smoke, so I quit.

                             What you see is what you get……

To me, red cars are slick and stylish. They scream style and sophistication. Every time I see a red car, images of red cars enter my mind.

Two years ago I reversed into the side of a shiny red car, and two years later I wrote my white wagon  off. Low and behold, the most affordable car for me to buy was a lovely bright, cute as a button, little red car. Not how I would have planned it!

                             ”Can I manifest my soulmate?”

Almost a year ago I set an intention for a soulmate. I even created a  desired  image in my mind of what he would like. I wrote down all the qualities I would like him to have, and I declared my intention to the universe.

For six long months I  imagined our lives together. I imagined us holding hands, going on dates, laughing, shopping, and taking long romantic walks on the beach together. I honestly tried every manifestation technique I know, from soul mate mediations, to sending out the official  soul call through subliminal messaging.

I imagined that my soul mate was in my life, right here, right now. However, the realism over rode the fantasy, and the reality that it was all one big fantasy, which may never happen, began to eat at me. I allowed thoughts of manifestation as hogwash, to  creep into my mind.

So, I stopped the lengthy soul mate visuals, decided to enjoy my life, and not agonise over finding truelove. The request for a soul mate has been sent out to the universe. He’s coming eventually!

As soon as I wake up in the morning I send my soul mate a kiss. I thank the universe for bringing me a day closer to the moment that I will finally get to meet him, and I speak words of gratitude to the universe for the never-ending stream of abundance in my life. Than I get on with my day, and leave the manifestation process in the hands of the universe.

I believe that if a soul mate is what you want, than a soul mate is what you will get. If you believe he or she is coming, than they are!

 

 

 

 

Single mothers: to date again, or not?

The idea of dating makes many single mothers feel sick to their stomach. The mere thought of allowing another man to come into what is now a harmonious life, makes these women feel terrified, and often unlikely to date for quite a while.

It can take years to battle for some single mothers to battle through the overwhelming feelings of loneliness, sadness, grief, regret, and loss, and to finally come to a place of joy and happiness, after having come out of a relationship.

While many single mothers like to talk to men, and hang out with them, feelings of attraction can be a big turn off. Lets face it; too many relationships where single mothers try to integrate another man other than the father into the children’s lives often turn pear – shaped. No-one wants their children to go through anymore grief unnecessarily.

Some of the women among us have a track record of choosing badly when it comes to men. A lot of them are empaths, and therefore, attract the worst of the bunch, while other women simply keep hitting the repeat button, and end up repeating the trauma from their own childhoods over and over again. No wonder they’ve given up and have decided to raise their children on their own.

As far as many single mothers are concerned, they would rather remain a spinster for the rest of time, than put their children through the ramifications of another bad choice made by their mumma.

I guess the decision to date again or not is more about:

  • Where are the children up-to? Can they handle a new person coming into their life at this point in time?
  • Are the children still grieving the relationship breakdown between their mother and father?
  • Are you ready? Have you grieved the relationship breakdown?
  • Have you dated the person you are about to bring into your life? And do you know them well enough?
  • What’s is your love interests previous history? Are they good with children?
  • What is your over- all assessment of your own situation? Is this doable at moment, or is it too hard at this point in time?

What can traumatised single mothers do to help themselves emotionally before getting back in the dating game:

  • See a councillor
  • chase up the resources available to you
  • work hard on changing beliefs about self
  • don’t jump into another relationship without putting a lot of thought into every aspect of the entire situation

 

Why do only 50% of marriages make it?

My question is why? Why do so many people go and get married when they know the statistics? What makes these couples think their marriage will succeed when the statistics say otherwise? And what are we doing wrong in our relationships with one another to produce such devastating results? Are our beliefs or values about marriage wrong, or even silly? Maybe relationships do have an expiry date, and maybe we should just accept it, recognise that nothing is forever, and move on once things become too chaotic.

People are money orientated, un-indated by consumerism, and constantly on the go. We continue to try to keep up with the world, provide the best life possible for our children, and get ahead. Where is the time to put the effort into nourishing a marriage? How can a couple water their marriage with love and attention when there is very little quality time to do so?

Life gets in the way of all different types of relationships. The pair of bestie’s who couldn’t stay away from one another at school don’t always stay in contact throughout adult hood.  Siblings move on, marital relationships don’t always work, and people change.

However, are we really meant to stay in a relationship with one person for the rest of our lives?  Have we been programmed by society, or religion to feel as though we must see a marriage through right up until the end, until death do us part? Can couples only bounce back from so many hurdles before they finally cave in and head for the divorce courts? Are we as human’s so terribly floored that we will eventually push our husbands or wives away? Or does marriage simply take a toll on both partners, and we just end up getting bored with our spouse physically, mentally and sexually?

As a single woman I often wonder many things about marriage and relationships. People are constant evolving, finding new ways of being, and developing all the time. A thirty-five year man or woman is a completely different person compared to their eighteen year old self. I may sound like an anti-marriage advocate. However, I honestly wonder if it is truly possible to stay attracted to a spouse for any more than twenty years.

The well-bred person you met two decades ago, with a strong set of values and beliefs which aligned with yours, may not have those beliefs twenty years on. They may completely change in every way possible. Isn’t life about change and diversity, and growing into the best version of ourselves? Are we allowed to change our beliefs, and our values if we once swore to the love of our lives that we would forever be on the same wave length, and share a similar view of the world? What if your partner changes religions, genders, or ideas? What if they totally rebel against everything they once believed in? Can we stay in a marriage or a relationship where everything is changing? At the end of the day, everybody changes, and will without even realising it, move into a different state of awareness as time goes on.

I know so many couples who do the hard yards and complete two decades of marriage. All that time together, and then somebody moves on, and decides that enough is enough. There are a few common scenarios. Someone cheats, one of the partners doesn’t pull their weight anymore, or one partner is simply refusing to continually evolve alongside their husband or wife. These are all choices made by one or both of people in the marriage. Do too many humans treat one another as disposable objects?

What absolutely astonishes me is that some recently separated or divorced couples may even leave the marriage, and dive head first into a brand new relationship. A marriage which once meant everything to them is suddenly discarded, thrown in the garbage, and disposed of.

Than there is the other side of the coin. Why would you want to hang out with the same person for more than twenty years? Can people withstand one another for this long, or do they make it this long in the relationship merely because they have an amazing capacity to tolerate a lot of abuse? These are the questions I ask myself on a day-to-day basis.

Too often couples think they are on the same page. They think they are aligned with one another spiritually, emotionally and ethically, until suddenly they realise they never were, and they never really even knew each other to begin with. Well, that’s my experience! What they saw was  a person putting up a front that they could live with for the rest of their days. This wasn’t the real them. The failure to present the real self to their partner in the first place has now put the relationship in jeopardy. I guess we’re all just humans on a journey. We get tired, we get sick of one another. Should we divorce, or should we rise to the occasion?

The couples who rise to the occasion travel the length of the journey together, continually checking that they are both at a similar stage of awareness. I guess you could say that they have a mutual respect for one another. They communicate willingly, and are committed to being with the love of their life. They will not do any anything to put their relationship in jeopardy. They value the relationship, and they see their loved one for all they are worth. I know couples like this, and I truly admire them.

For a relationship to stay solid and sturdy, both people need to be on the same page, and at the same level of awareness as their significant other.  How can marriage overcome all struggles if both parties stop valuing the marriage, and each other? It won’t!

Instead of making promises to be together in ‘sickness, or in health,’ or’ until death do us part’, maybe couples should make vows to stay on the same path, and to remain on a journey of self transformation, and self discovery with their partner, in the hope of seeing their marriage through right up until the end.  Just a little something to think about.