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Daily Archives: August 11, 2016

Single mothers: Have we failed? Or, have we conquered something amazing?

I am one of the many single mothers in this world that had a lapse in character judgement when choosing a father for my children. My childhood dream to marry a wonderful man, and raise our children together, didn’t go to plan.

Have I failed because I made a mistake? Or have I conquered something extraordinary?

Single mothers are often judged for leaving their children’s father to raise children on their own. For a lot of us, single mother hood was not  a choice – it was the only way out of a toxic situation. Eternal chaos is no way to bring up a child.

Gone are the days where an unmarried woman is completely shunned, and looked down upon for leaving a man who is detrimental to the mental health of herself, and her children.

Yet, unfortunately, single mothers are still judged. It was only two weeks ago that I heard a male make the comment that single mothers are easy women who only want sex.

Not only is this derogatory – but the statement implies that we are somehow lessor beings than married woman, and that we don’t value sexual intimacy, or ourselves for that matter.

Not only is this a disgusting observation, but it implies that married women are of a higher status than us, because they apparently chose the perfect father for their children. They have a family – where as we apparently only have half of a family, or a single parent family, which is somehow doomed.

We as single mothers have only done what many married women need to do – but are simply too afraid to do, for reasons of their own.

I have gone out into the world alone with my children.  I have sat in what would feel like a place of  never ending loneliness and despair. I I have been fearless, said ‘I don’t care’ to the stereotypes, and walked out. Why? So my children  wouldn’t have to endure a childhood of pure chaos and dysfunction, all because one parent refused to carry their fifty percent of the partnership.

‘We are fearless conquerers.’

Have we failed because we chose men incapable of love, incapable of fulfilling their role, and incapable of sustaining a partnership? No! Millions of married women all over the planet still reside in situations with men exactly like this.

We have succeeded! We have empowered women everywhere! We have done what many are afraid to do. We’ve made lemonade out lemons, and we’ve refused to tolerate bad behaviour.

We have left men who didn’t cut it- only to be stereotyped, judged and ridiculed for saving our children , and ourselves from a world of pain.

Single mothers that leave the family home, divide up the assets and put their children first over a relationship with a dysfunctional, problematic father figure, should be applauded. This is one selfless woman.

We haven’t failed! We have conquered something extraordinary. We have modelled to many a married woman that is too scared to leave, that it can be done. We have shown these women that single mothers can have wonderful fulfilling lives, without dysfunctional men.

We have chosen mental health over wealth!

We have left men who were unable to show our boys how to love, how to adore their future wives, and how to treat their sisters.

We have taught our little girls not to take any rubbish, and that women deserve the utmost respect.

Our children now know that it is ok to get it wrong, and to make a bad choice.  They also know that it is never ok to mistreat a woman, and it is never ok to settle for second best.

We have not adhered to prehistorical marriage values. We have said no to outdated beliefs, and dysfunctional marital situations. We have laid it all out on the pavement, and made it known to the world that we have been mistreated, and will not put up with it any longer.

We have changed history for our children

Of course we’re judged by men who don’t understand us. Of course we’re judged for being outspoken, and for refusing to hide the truth of what was once a destructive marriage.

Its unusual! Sixty years ago, holding dysfunctional men accountable for poor behaviour was unheard of. It was unacceptable to stand up for yourself, and to walk away from potentially damaging husbands.

We have empowered women all over the world! It is because of our courage that women everywhere are finally beginning to stand up for themselves.